Loneliness as a Single Mum: When the House Is Quiet and the Need for Connection Is Loud

Loneliness can show up in ways many single mums don’t expect.

You can be busy all day - caring, organising, holding everything together - and yet when evening comes, the house feels too quiet. The silence feels heavy. The absence of adult connection becomes suddenly very present.

I know this because I’ve been there.

There were evenings when my daughter was asleep, the day was finally done… and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I would sit alone, unsure where to place my energy, my thoughts, or my feelings.

I remember watching episodes of Friends for hours because it gave me a sense of connection. Familiar voices. Laughter. Safety. It filled a space that otherwise felt empty.

And beneath it all was a simple, human longing: To be held.

Not a rushed or polite hug - but a genuine one.

The kind that says:

“Everything will be okay.”

Loneliness Is a Human Response - Not a Personal Failure

Loneliness among parents is far more common than we talk about. Many parents experience isolation, with single parents often feeling it more deeply. Parenting alone carries a significant emotional load, and opportunities for adult connection can become limited without us even realising.

This isn’t about weakness. It’s about being human.

We are wired for connection - emotionally and physically. When that connection is missing, the nervous system notices.

Why Hugs and Touch Matter (Even More Than We Realise)

Physical touch plays an important role in emotional wellbeing. Research has linked safe, supportive touch to:

• reduced stress

• lower anxiety

• increased feelings of safety and calm

Touch supports the release of oxytocin - a hormone associated with bonding, trust, and emotional regulation.

Family therapist Virginia Satir famously suggested that humans need:

• 4 hugs a day for emotional survival

• 8 hugs a day for wellbeing

• 12 hugs a day for growth

While not a rule, the message is clear: connection matters. It increase our feelings of belonging and being loved. When adult hugs aren’t available, the body still responds to:

• Longer cuddles with your children (when welcomed)

• Holding a pet

• Gentle self-touch, such as placing a hand over your heart

They help oxytocin and serotonin release and support our mental, emotional and physical health.

The Particular Loneliness of Shared Parenting

For many single mums, the hardest moments come when their child is with the other parent.

The quiet house. The empty chair at the table. The bed that suddenly feels too big.

These moments can bring grief - not only for what was, but for what you once hoped family life would look like. That grief deserves compassion.

And it’s important to say this clearly:

Being alone is not the same as being unsafe, unheard, or emotionally drained.

Many women leave relationships not because they wanted to be alone - but because staying meant losing themselves.

Choosing peace over constant tension is not failure.

It’s self-respect.

Gentle Ways to Support Yourself Through Loneliness

1. Seek Meaningful Connection - Not More Noise

Active listening is a crucial skill in building connections. Practice listening without interrupting, and reflect back what the other person has said. This not only shows that you value their perspective but also fosters deeper understanding and trust.

2. Honour the Need for Touch

If physical closeness is missing, be intentional where you can: Rather than pushing the need for closeness away, acknowledge it with kindness. This might look like:

• Creating intentional moments of comfort - wrapping yourself in a soft blanket, using warmth to help your body relax

• Slowing physical contact - lingering a little longer in everyday moments instead of rushing through them

• Grounding through the senses - noticing texture, temperature, and pressure to help your body feel supported

• Gentle self-soothing rituals - placing a hand on your chest, taking a slow breath, and reminding yourself “I’m safe right now”

These practices don’t replace connection - but they support emotional steadiness while you build it and help the body feel less alone, even when the heart still aches.

3. Reframe the Quiet (Gently)

The quiet doesn’t mean something is wrong. Sometimes it means:

• No conflict

• No walking on eggshells

• No emotional drain

Over time, that quiet can become rest.

Better Alone Than with the Wrong Partner

Leaving a relationship that wasn’t healthy takes courage. Building a life that isn’t perfect - but safe, authentic, and loving is an act of bravery. Not just for you, but for your child. You’re not failing at family life. You’re redefining it. And while loneliness may visit along the way, it does not get to define your future.

Final Thoughts

If you’re sitting alone some evenings, feeling that ache - please know this:

You’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re in transition.

And transitions are uncomfortable - but they’re also where growth begins.

You deserve connection, safety, and support. And it’s okay to seek them slowly, and on your own terms.

If you’d ever like a calm, no-pressure space to talk things through, you’re always welcome to book a free clarity call.